Naiirita ako haha. Hindi ko alam kung san ako pupunta ngayon. Wala ako sa mood makipagusap sa tao dahil… naiinis ako na naiirita na nagagalit na ako sa mundo.

Akala ko naka-alis na ako sa quote na ‘Life is unfair’ pero hindi pa pala.

Naiinggit ako, naiinggit ako sa mga kaswertehang nangyare sa mga kabarkada ko nung college. Iba iba ang course nila, iba kasabayan ko lang magstart magtrabaho… pero ang ganda na nang nangyare sa kanila.

Oo alam ko masama mainggit, pero nung kniwento sa akin kanina ng kabarkada / ka grupo ko palagi sa mga groupings, na, na-promote sya to senior programmer sa companyang pinagtratrabahuan nya, natuwa ako para sa kanya. Pero makalipas ng ilang minuto, napagisip isip ko at napagtanto, napakaswerte nyang tao, at ako ay onti onting naiinggit.

Naaalala ko pa nung nagtratrabaho na sya, humihingi sya ng payo dahil palya palya daw ginagawa nya sa trabaho. Nahuhule daw siyang natutulog, laging late. Pero kanina, nagulat siya dahil mineeting sya ng boss nya, at promoted daw siya, effective, sa september. 

Feeling ko, at parang gusto kong ibalik ang panahon. Sana, hindi nalang ako humiwalay sa kanila nung nagaaply pa kame ng trabaho. Parang napupuna ko ngayon, na mas nabibigyan ng ‘credit’ at ‘opportunity’ sa companya nila ang katulad ko, na fresh grad, kumpara sa companyang pinapasukan ko ngayon. Bakit? dahil doon, kahit hindi ka magaling, basta nakita ka nilang nagsisikap, at nagagawa ang pinapagawa, ipropromote ka. Samantalang sa companya kong pinapasukan, kailangan mong buhatin ang sarili mong bangko, para mapromote.

Hindi ko alam kung anong processo ang tama o mali, pero feeling ko, masmaganda ang processo sa kanila, dahil sila na mismo ang nagbibigay ng credit, hindi mo na kailangang ipamukha sa kanila na eto, eto at eto ang ginagawa ko, kaya ipromote nyo ako. 

Naiinis ako, naiirita, halo halong emosyon. Nagbabasa ng kung ano anong libro, pero hindi ko mawaglit sa isipan ko ang pagkainggit na nadarama ko. 

Iniisip ko, tama ba ang desisyon kong pumirma ng contrata sa companya ko ngayon. O simula palang mali na. Maling mali ba talaga ang daang tinahak ko?

Napakaswerte nila, o sadya bang malas lang talaga ako?

Pakiwari ko, hindi na ako magtatagal sa companyang pinapasukan ko ngayon. Pakiramdam ko, isa sa mga darating na buwan na to, ipapasa ko na ang resignation letter na matagal ko nang ginawa.

f*ck!

hindi ko sinasabi ang salitang yan, pero pagsinabi ko yan, ibig sabihin, galit talaga ako, or... naiirita na ako.

ngayon ko lang nalaman, pati pala FB status ko, pinapakialaman na sa trabaho.

pota, nagulat ako, may lumapit sa akin, regarding sa nakaraan kong FB status (na binura ko na rin naman) . pero nakaabot daw sa kanya... at yun lagi ang binabanggit pag kinakausap ako...

eh sa una't sapul pa lang naman, ginawa ko lang naman ung 'status' na un bilang challenge sa sarili. hindi ko naman minura ang aking mga kasama o ang aking trabaho.

pu*(@#!$ ina tlga, gusto kong magmura. naiirita ako. kaya nga ako gumawa ng bagong account, para malinis, sabay ito na naman ang bumabalik.

bigyan talaga nila ako ng 5 buwan pa.. magreresign na talaga ako.. matapos lang itong 'bond' na to. kahit dev ulet mangyare sa akin, basta malipat lang. kahit mag back to zero ako, ok lang.


bwisit na. d na ako natutuwa... 

kung tutuusin, naging katawa tawa tuloy sa mga kabarkada ko ang nangyare sa akin. lagi nilang sinusumbat sa akin ngaun na, ang hilig ko daw kasi mangiwan, ayan, ang arte arte ko daw, pa ayaw ayaw pa daw ako sa dev, tapos dev din pala mababgsakan ko... samantalang sila, mga pangarap nameng trabaho ang nakamit.

tapos ang sahod pa... ni wala ako sa kalingkilan ng sahod nila.. sa una kong trabaho, mejo pwede pa.. angat na angat..


ang dami kong disappointment, sinasabayan pa ng ganito.. naiingit na nga ako sa kanila, dahil mga senior programmer na sila sa ibang kompanya.. tapos ganito pa ... nakakabwisit.

:|

It was a long break from blogging. I've been busy with work till I started hating it.

disclaimer: this is a super rant!

there are many factors why I grew to hate my work.

1.) the programming language. - the programming language is such a simple one. Sap abap, and it is a dialogue programming, meaning, it processes the codes on how they are arranged. Top to bottom. It is so simple but I can't make my self digest it. I am so inclined with java, c, html, shell etc. programming language that a simple programming I can't digest? Wtf.

2.) no social life. - because of the busyness and my push to study the language, I push my limits by extemding work hours, going to office on a weekend and as such. Now even planned gatherings and event, I cannot attend.

3.) they started to criticize my priorities. I don't want to elaborate on this part.

4.) in connection to number 4, friends and some things are getting criticized. Even my personal life is being criticized and I was like. Wtf. So i just keep quiet and shut my mouth.

5.) with all these reasons, i am starting to hate my work, and my self because of my inability to cope with it. I don't know how long I can take it but i am hoping that the day when I can't take anymore of this shits won't arrive.

I have a long patience and never in my life wherein I got so angry... Wish that day won't come. Even simple grumpyness from me can send some people away. Getting scared from me.

posted from Bloggeroid

So bright moon.

As much as I wanted it. I can't. I can't reach the moon. To ease my itchyness, I make it up by taking pictures of it, especially at night.


the image doesn't match what the photographer see

That's the only frustration I have with my current phone (gs2). With regards to features, it would win against an ericsson phone, but when it comes to camera and sound quality, it would lose. If I am using my ericsson phone, even if without flash, it would deliver superb quality (showing the brightmoon) but my gs2 can't deliver the same quality, which frustrates me...sadly.

The sky is cloudy, full of bright lights coming from the stars and the moon.

I wish I can fly.

And I wish she sees what I currently see. Staring at the moon. Staring the same thing at the same time.

posted from Bloggeroid

Astiggg...

Tinuro lang sa akin ng kabarkada ko kung pano mag 'screen capture' sa gs2 at ang galing.

Na aastigan pa naman ako sa font style na nilagay ko sa phone ko. Ayoko ng masyadong pormal kaya ginawa kong 'absisca' ang font style. Ayon feeling ko nagsusulat lang ako sa papel.

Oh siya. Wala talaga akong masabi. Busy kame ngaun. One with nature ika nga. Walang cellphone, at internet. Dagat lang at mga kalokohan namen.. Namiss ko ang ganitong buhay.

Adios. Sa lunes nalang. Lowbat na ako. Sila na bahala sa pictures.

Ito pala ang sample ng font style ko ngaun.

posted from Bloggeroid

tanga tanga lang.

Ang aga aga kong gumising, nagasikaso at nagayos upang tumungo aa DFA para kuhain ang na release ko nang transcript (para makapagtrabaho sa ibang bansa).

Sa aking pagmamadali, sa lahat lahat pa ng maiiwan, naiwan ko pa yung 'stub' para makapasok sa DFA.

Kaya ayon kahit nasa edsa na ako/kame, dali dali kameng bumaba at umuwe para kuhain ang naiwan. Sobrang aga ko, nasayang lang. Ngaun na food poison pa ako.

Ang sakit na ng tyan ko, nandito pa rin kame naghahantay ng ribbon. Nagpaalan pa naman ako sa boss ko na malalate lang ako. At hindi half day... Yaring yari ako

posted from Bloggeroid

blurred vision and headaches..

For the past few days, I am experiencing blurred vision accompanied by headaches.

I don't know what are the causes of those things but I think it is because of overexposure to computer monitor. My job requires me to work 9 hrs a day , 5 days a week. And most of it is programming.

The left eye is affected the most and it is always teary. I am also researching the internet for further information.

posted from Bloggeroid

Sherlock Holmes

I just watched Sherlock Holmes' a game of shadow with friends, what can I say, it was worth the money.

It didn't fail to satisfy my fascination when it comes to story, graphics, as well as the actors acting their respective roles. There were also some dialogues that struck me, meaning I can relate.

 Along the story, there were some funny moments, as well as breath taking scenes, wherein I like some scenes to happen to me, to feel the rush when in that situation.

From the start of the movie, it already tinkered with my mind, as to who is behind the assassinations and how to thwart the main protagonist (even if from the start, Holmes knew who it was, he just don't have the evidence) .

for me, its a very nice movie. Wish there are more movies of this caliber to come.

Insomnia

I am doomed!

After I came back from the holiday vacation, surprisingly my insomnia is back as well.

I have a hard time going to sleep, random wake up from sleep, and hard to get back to sleep resulting to always late for work.

Oh men. What is it now >.< damn this!!!!

posted from Bloggeroid

Information overload

having information overload makes my head, hurt just a little.

I've been studying about abap topics sice yesterday, some useful for the current project, some, for personal enrichment.

I was tasked to help someone in creating an asset. But the approach being used is the same as the approach which I was using in college, java and oop. However, this time, it has to be sap abap and oop.

The prototype is finished. I didn't do anything special to help, and luckily, he agreed to have me review.the codes of the program he created. So I studied OOP for abap. However, here comes the workload for the project, and this time, I have to learn 'interfaces', a sap component. Which I have no idea of anything. So here again, I have to study both topics at the same time.

Problem is, I don't know if I am absorbing any.

posted from Bloggeroid

Foreigners

Foreigners are people who came from different part/s of the globe, to visit or stay in another country.

I have this notation (in the past) that foreigners are rude.

However, it changed when I first visit NAIA international airport.

All foreigners I had encountered or passed by, smiles. Even if I don't know them personally, they smile. Unlike some filipinos who are rude and grumpy.

As a return, I can't help but smile back at them.

Smiling is a simple gesture but overwhelming. It has many meanings.

every smile has a value

posted from Bloggeroid

I love my new phone

As the title says I literally `love my new phone`.

It lets me do things that I can do on a computer. I can listen to music, surf the net, send messages and call, make it as a 'router' to share my internet (which is useful in bulacan), blog, and more importantly (which I just discovered) download torrents (music albums, movies, etc).

I seldom use a computer nowadays especially when at home, but with this phone, I can do many things even if I'm in the go.

My friend/s also agreed that when it comes to functionality, I had chosen the right phone. Combined with my unli surf plan, I can do things simultaeously. Just not let the phone go empty battery.

posted from Bloggeroid

The moon on an afternoon

It is still 4:30 on an afternoon. As I lay on the rooftop (because I was too lazy to move around) I saw the moon directly above me. :-)



I am always mesmerized by views like this. It awakened my dream of going to the moon and see what is the view of earth from it.

As a child (and up until now) I have the hobby of laying down and stare at the clouds , or stars. When I travel by air, I always capture every moment that captures my attention.

I always dream of flying.

But when I travel by sea, I always capture the waves and the sceneries especially at night.

Gahhh. Because of the moon, my rush of travelling relives. If only I have the sufficient funds to accomodate my travels, I would do so. And leave everything behind.

posted from Bloggeroid

New year

2011 has been a very momental year for me.

It is the year of tears, heart aches, graduation, good byes, hellos, accidents, laughter, sadness, thesis with my great thesismates, sleepless nights, drunk nights, boycott classes, festivities, support, failures, met new people but also said goodbyes to others and last year at school with I.T family.

It is the year where I parted ways, closed a book, and opened another.

It is the year wherein you need to stand on you own. Stand up for your friends, even if they didn't stand up for you.

It is the year wherein you got to acknowledge your thesismates as your brothers (and sister for one lol).

It is the year where I thought we had it all, but all where just you 'thought'.

It is the year where you left the institution which almost all of your life you where there, left to conquer the outside world. Which taught you the difference of outside world.

It is the year where a whole class acts as one. No man would be leaved behind, in which you know the true definition of 'comaraderie'.

That is the year where... Sadly, this time, I left them. I went on my own way. Now, confused if I made the right decision.

...and now lost if I can experience those same experiences again. Or should they remain memories. Or should I create new memories, but don't know if..

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